Ruminations During a (Very) Rainy Day

Waking at 10:00 in the morning. On a Wednesday. Eversince I got these tetanus shots it seems I both (a) have no energy to last a usual 8-hour office day, and (b) I wake much, much later. Like this Wednesday – oops, Thursday already – this very rainy Wednesday. Waking to find the other house and the whole Metro for that matter in a flooded state is quite the way to start a morning.

Spent practically the whole day blowing up mecha in Square Enix’ Front Mission 4. At least my tactical acumen’s still there. Heh, didn’t I just finish OSC’s Ender’s Shadow in two nights? All this warfare. Does it reflect the state of my Mind, my Soul?

Ewan ko ba.

So la Gloria admitted to there being a financial crisis. Then the peso plummets. Bullshit. Everyone’s been talking about financial problems since before the elections. Hard to believe these corporations weren’t expecting that. Like what Tin and I say, what GMA said was a “Duh” statement. Unless the intelligence-gathering arms of these corporations and investors are even worse than present-day CIA.

Ha,ha. Vultures. And the Third Estate has the gall to call for reforms in the First? Bullshit.

Hmm… I’ve never told the Piraeus or even the UCSC about this blog; among my colleagues, friends and shitteno, its only Tin, Charm and Blooey who are aware of this. And the Asgardians. Sige nga, let’s see if anyone from the Piraeus or the Union knows about this:

Okay, I have to admit to being such a slacker. I’ll even admit to abandoning my duties to this generation, as one of its analysts, its Mentat (see previos entry). But as I pull myself out of this muck of despair I’m in (thank God for Tin and Charm), I begin to remember some plans supposedly put in place at least after People Power II.

Simply put, the generation of young leaders and advocates that fought on the streets of the second People Power were supposed to play roles in what was supposedly a new dawn for the Philippines. Of course, the (damned) elders would do most of the work, at least for 10 or so years, but we would be playing a part.

Of course, even as we in K2 were licking our wounds at Henry Lee Irwin one week before People Power II – and you thought we planned the damned thing? You don’t know what you’re thinking – a certain thesis was already forming in my Mind. I guess it was a little… rebellious. But then, I am one of the analysts of this generation, my real forte being that ability to gather and synthesize information for use of the First Tier in their decision making and the Second Tier in its operations. If the data presented to me falls into a certain pattern, what else am I supposed to conclude?

So there I was, thinking that the damned elders had failed us and, because of their greed, selfishness and lack of understanding and morals and ethics, our future was most certainly doomed. Of course there’s a financial crisis. Stupid. Of course nothing’s being done. Stupid. Like a Mentat needs to come up with a Prime Computation to point out why?

Despair. How easy it is to fall into its bottomless pit. Wasn’t it there that I was languishing since July? Finance, during their presentation to the LP early July, said that the first lashings of the financial crisis would be felt next year. It’s not here… yet. So we have time to act on it? Oh, sure; just come up with two-figure billions every month, and, oh, by the way, we forsee balancing the budget in 2009.

The hell?

I wonder… the UCSC is already well into its 6th year. KALIPI just celebrated its 15th. AYLC is almost as old as the Union and has almost the same composition, since several of our most prominent leaders are AYLs. That’s a lot of young leaders and advocates, all Trained and gifted and brilliant.

And that’s just three organizations. Let’s set aside the NDs for now. Set aside the paranoia regarding the Akbayan people and add them to the mix, especially Ma’am Risa’s kids in Panadayan Youth, their contacts to the grassroots. UCSC to handle the academe and the Church, to provide the moral anchor and leadership it did during K2Y. KALIPI to provide the local, national and international political punch. AYLC to open up the doors of the corporations, particularly that big entity known as the Ayala Group of Companies…

And here I’m just drawing up part of the scenario, where all four orgs/networks begin tapping their natural “constituencies.” Just these four, working together – add Bam’s support as NYC Chair – can bring to bear a significant amount of skills, talents and – most importantly – dedication to doing something about the many problems facing the Philippines today.

If… if I give the Call, will they come?

What right do I have to summon the forces that once changed the course of history for this nation? Isn’t that more Denni’s or Bam’s right as our generation’s natural leaders?

My God, even the Piraeus is scattered, caught up in the lives we have led since graduating from Guardianship of the UCSC in 2001. Of the group, only Ben, Denni, Geng and I are still in non-corporate, NGO or NGO-type of work. And the first three are just soooo hard to find…

If I Call, will they come?

If anyone among the First Tier makes the Call, will they come? Will they descend from their glass-and-steel towers, rise from their mud-and-blood holes, and see that we have to do what we can, now, to save our future?

And there are the NDs… God damn them to the lowest pits of perdition. So much brilliance and fervor… but so misguided. All for the Revolution. All for their idea of democracy. For all their brilliance, their savvy, their exposure, can they not realize the sham they promote and perpetuate? When they take “revolutionary taxes,” what excuse do they tell their Reason so as not to see that act as nothing more than pure extortion? At least this democracy we have can allow us to take our leaders to an accounting, one way or another. What of theirs? No, no, Mong, don’t bother answering if you will just spout to me the same drivel. I have heard them before. For every one of your arguments I will simply mention words and simple phrases: the Soviet Union. Stalin. Mao’s Great Leap Forward. Operation Missing Link and its cruel copies nationwide. You and your comrades will bring nothing but death and oppression to this country.

All my life, there came moments when I Asked God certain Questions. And always, in one way or another, He has Answered. Mostly to my liking, sometimes not, or at least it took me some time to realize why the Answer was what He gave.

So, my Lord God, what now? St. Ignatius taught us to give without counting the cost, to fight without heading the wounds, to toil and not seek for rest. So here I am, your Knight, ready despite all my Wounds, despite my Tired and batterd Soul, despite everything I think I have given in all the years of my service to You and Your people… but where do we go? What do we do? To whom do we turn to? Who will stand on the front lines?

And suddenly the rain pours hard after an hour of silence. And stops oh-so-suddenly.

*sigh* I’m getting too old for this.

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