I was going through some stuff when I chanced upon the last Diary I wrote on, IRL. The last entry, which was made 9 April 2006, at 10:40 p.m., is so… interesting from a Mentat point of view that I am posting it here rather than at my Multiply account.
9 April 2006, 10:40 p.m.
A hundred thoughts flit through my Mind. Hah: when has it not? In fact, I should feel insulted: just a hundred? Whatever happened to the formidable young man who could carry a thousand ideas, thoughts and strategies all at one Moment in his head?
That is, perhaps, the biggest thought of all: am I still the Mentat-Guardian of my generation, of this Republic, or has time come for me to depart from this field?
This new world is so much darker than the one we fought against in 2000 and 2001. I went back to my house one Saturday morning, January 2001, leaving a million people to finally get some sleep… and waking to a new dawn, a new country.
We won that day. But what did we win?
There will always be more people who care nothing more than to realize their dreams. This has always been my lesson to my proteges. Their dreams, I have always said, are no less greater than ours. And in ensuring that people can be free to dream those dreams – and, better, to realize them – we are also realizing our dreams as their Guardians, their leaders.
But what if the leaders and Guardians fall away to join themselves to the many, to insist that they, too, be allowed to realize their personal dreams?
This afternoon while at Mass, I had an idea: why not ask Bam to form a Shadow Cabinet? Instead of an Opposition forming this as foil to a sitting Government, the youth will form one versus their elders. But beyond simply proposing alternative policies, this Shadow Cabinet will execute them as well.
And why stop there? Why not gather representatives of our generation into a Congress? One that will set policies and objectives for our generation, the blueprints and plans to ensure that our future does not get mired in despair and hopelessness the way this present is as made by our parents.
But no sooner did I jot down my thoughts, the criticisms began to flow from my own Mind. The National Youth Parliament will object; if they did for something so… corollary to their work as the PUNK, how much more this? They will insist that they are the representatives of the Filipino youth. But the Parliament is as meaningless and inutile as the laws and policies they design and propose to the elder Congress. They will not be an obstacle, and if they insist on being one then something must be done to remove them from ever threatening the future of this country.
No: the true obstacle lies with us, with the supposed leaders, the ones who in 2000 and 2001 stood to fight for a nation.
But where are they now?
Soo many problems… Yet, the elders are so caught up in their powerplays and rivalries to do anything about these problems. And my generation’s leaders are lost in their own lives, probably giving an excuse to themselves that someone else will deal with them. Or we will when the time has come.
If the latter is the case… such arrogance… Can’t they see that the crises we will face have consequences that cannot be dealt with on the fly with patch-like solutions? These must be addressed now, while the problems are still in their infancy or we just may find ourselves surrounded by a flood without any way of preventing it sweeping away everything we have built up.
But… who is left? What is left? So many of the old tools lie broken so many old faces lost, blinded or corrupted…
And through it all, I feel, I think: if they have all gone, why should I stay? If the rest of the pack has gone… domestic, what more can one wolfhound do against the wolves and thieves that come to kill, devour and steal the sheep away?
Even worse, the Shepherd seems to stand silent while His wolfhound howls to the night, seeking answers and succor.
Why do I stay? Why do I still fight?
I have such a small window of opportunity left to salvage what I can of my life… so why do I not do so?